Happy September But Not So Happy

Published September 2, 2008 by sadistickitten

*Warning: Might be a long entry*

First, I would like to welcome [info]disposabledoll &  [info]darklingfae to my journal, thanks for the add guys!  You two have been added to my loved list so in case you miss something in [info]sadistic_treats you may request if even after I'm closed!

Since the last time that I updated (for those that are new to LJ: I do a project 365 that is taking a picture once a day to show what I've "done for the day" or at least  a part of it), on August 24th there hasn't been too much going on with us but kind of has.  I'll get into why later. 

I hadn't been feeling like doing graphics much lately and I took a mini hiatus (no I didn't mention it in my community because I didn't want to scare people off) since I just couldn't find the motivation.  It is not because of the LJ drama, I'm pretty much used to that shit by now been making long enough to know there will always be some sort of shit going down.  No, I just hadn't felt like making anything.  I know that's sad right?  Well I just couldn't motivate myself to do anything.  At least I'm over that now ^_^

Plus I've had a lot of letters to write (I had like 10 letters that came ALL at once in one day about 10 then the next 2 or 3 more) so I have been deciding to write my letters and stay off the computer as much as I can to get them done quicker.  I'm doing much better now, a lot of them have been written now I've got 4 letters to write so that's nice.  I was hoping to get another out for tomorrow but I'm not sure that I will be able to (more about that later) but at least I've got one for tomorrow already.  I also want to apologize if I sound bitchy or cranky or even mean in my letters, things haven't been exactly ideal around here lately so I've been stressed out.

The brakes needed to be replaced & the pads so we scheduled an appointment for Friday (last week) to get that done.  I went with Tony and I played my DS and he ate at a local resturant (they didn't even have ICE who can't make ice?!  Isn't that pretty basic???)  I wasn't impressed with the place.  Plus I felt really quiet clastrophobic and I have no problem with closed in places so yah this place was tiny!  It's more like a closet then a resturant but whatever.  Got myself a bagel and chocolate milk before we got to the dealership (every other place rips us off) and I ate it on the way there.

My parents called last weekend when the olympics had the closing ceremony (I don't watch the olympics anymore because I get too upset when someone gets ripped off for not getting the medal they deserve plus I'd rather watch the winter ones if I watch any) going on and they said that we would see them next weekend (which was this weekend by the way) on Monday or Labor day to be exact.  They would call some time next weekend to see what our plans are and go from there. 

Fast forward to THIS weekend…

We didn't do anything this weekend at all, just worked on my letters and relaxed, plus caught up on some shows etc that we hadn't seen.  Finally watched some movies as well so that was nice.  I rather enjoyed the weekend it was relaxing and nice.  I really didn't want to see people anyways or go out with the massive people with all the sales going on (hate crowds).  Watched "good luck chuck" finally a copy that wasn't ruined from netflix.  It was actually better than I thought it was going to be.  We also watched "harold & kumar 2" which I like better than the first.  I LOVE the part "listen hello kitty" My parents never called this weekend like they said that they would (not amazed, they never live by their word so I never bother to even put time aside for them anymore).  They can't keep their word, why should I?

Sunday Tony's friends called this weekend asking what we were doing because Daigle was leaving to go to NC yesterday.  They finally decided to come down here and play poker.  For the first time ever, Scott brought something over with him when he came over.  He brought soda & frozen pizza squares.  Which was really nice of him since most of the time, they just come over and not bring something with them.  Not that we ask them to or anything, not complaining either but it's just nice that's all.  ^_^ We had a nice time, played poker and talked.  It was pretty cool.  With 4 guys they were all on me and my "rack" as Dave would put it.  *laughs* If you didn't know, I have a HUGE rack for a girl my size (I'm a short person) so people (I swear especially women) tend to think they're fake but they're all 100% real!  Why do think they're real?  Well because I've got a tiny body with big HUGE boobs that's why (childfree, which they know).  What they don't know is that my family is known for big boobs so it runs in my family.  I was hoping for some boobs when I got older but I got more than I asked for.  Learned my lesson!  Ok enough boob talk, I'm starting to sound like a man.

Monday, worked on my letters and mainly we just rested because we got up early in the am so we were tired.  Didn't do anything which was a nice day I might add but I was sooo freakin' tired because I haven't getting much sleep lately (always happens before my period) so yah I feel like I've been lacking in that department so you can just guess why I haven't written much lately or even been around here because I have zero energy.  Anyways, while I was taking a break from writing my letters playing sims (yup I'm addicted again) my parents call.  Tony asks if I want to talk to them and I say it's his call.  If he wants to pick it up so be it, if not then that's fine too.  He picks up…

Talked with my dad about things, he said this "we got up late this morning (always excuses with them, just tell me the truth that she you didn't want to see me so I can feel oh so good about myself.  Oh & here's the part where I wanted to MURDER my parents), blah blah ….we were late to go up and see your SISTER" gesh.  Wtf?  I'm sorry but why is it that whenever they make plans with US first they flake out and see her instead?  No I didn't call them this weekend because I'm sick of being the one to call all the time, let them call me for once.  Anyhoo, I was soo angry and hurt at that moment that I wanted to cry when I was on the phone with them I'm NOT kidding either.  I almost did but I held it back.  We talked about other things as well, and asked if we had plans at almost 7pm at night because they wanted to stop over.  uumm what?  

Sorry but don't fuckin' call MY house the fuckin' last minute and expect me to jump at the chance of getting to see you.  Sorry but I don't think so.  I was angry at them saying the stuff about my sis so I really didn't want to see them after that comment.  I told them that I had to check with Tony (but in my voice I sounded really annoyed and my dad must've picked up on that) before I said yes or no.  He then said "never mind we'll just do it next weekend.  Do you have any plans?"  Which is funny because Daigle mentioned that he'd be around next weekend too so he wanted to get together to go to Jillian's (not sure I'll be going, it might just "mens night out") but he'd have to get back to us first.  Told my dad this information and he said "well get ahold of us this week when you know about what's going on for the plans and we'll plan around it."  I'm not making that up, they can go ask Daigle if they wanted or even knew him.  Felt good to be the one to say "nope can't do it" because they pull this shit with me all to fuckin' often and I'm sick to death of just putting up with it so I stood my ground.  So we'll see if we do see them next weekend or not, not sure when we'll hear from Daigle.  Probably not til that night or so.  My dad acted offended that we didn't want to get together last night.  He told me "you know I only work 4 days this week" as if to say "hey you should see me tonight" I wanted to say great for you, why should I care?  I'm sorry but yes we did have plans, even if those plans were for me to write my letters and play my sims.  If they wanted to get together yesterday they should've called AHEAD of time rather than the last minute.  I am very proud of myself that I didn't let them come over.  Go me!

Why am I so upset about the sis part?  Well you see, I'm always getting played "2nd fiddle to my sister" or shall I say my niece.  My mom made it pretty clear to me SEVERAL times that she HAS to see her grandchild EVERY weekend.  So they pick my sister EVERY weekend over me.  Because if they have the choice to see me or her, guess who loses out?  Yup that's right.  I wrote about this in my letter to Kristy (so sorry, I hope that she's not mad at me I was very upset at the time because is JUST happened) how upset I was over the whole thing.  I was crying because I am sick of not being good enough.  My parents say all the time that they respect my decision not to have children yet they go ahead and pick my sis/niece who's "better than I" in some way.  No they don't say it but you know what they say "actions speak louder than words" and they speak in volumes when they pull shit like this.  To me, it truly shows where I rate. 

I'm not saying that I wanted to go over my brat infested sister's house.  Not my point at all, my point is that when they have a choice of either daughter why am I getting shuned?  It's not like I am over here eating babies for breakfast or killing them.  All I'm doing is just not having children.  I mean really why does that concern them so?  It's as if they wanted to raise the child (god that would be scary) when or if we died on accident.  Yeah ok, seems that way with Elizabeth.  To me, I don't see the big point of a first grandchild.  Seriously what is that?  The generation goes on?  Maybe the generation should not go on, after all my sis and Jason should've just been infertile because they are way stupid & horror people for being the way that they are.  If you think I'm mean about people whom have kids nope, that's not it.  I'm mad because all my life I'm always come 2nd best to "perfect child" that is my sister.  I try to get past this shit but every fuckin' time my parents pull something like this I am right back there again!  See how easy it is for you.  

I needed to cry (plus my period is here so things tend to be more intense whenever I have it) to get it out plus writing about it really helps me out.  Probably why therapists that I've met with tell me to write in my journal to get it out instead of just letting things go & making it fester inside me (that's what I used to do). 

Today, I couldn't sleep for the LIFE of me so I got up after about a half hour or an hour of sleep (tossed and turned all night long, Tony was snoring like a banshee!  Apparently his nose strip fell off).  Started the laundry at like 6am and did my normal stuff online then came back worked on some graphics.  I ended up making a bunch of fall and halloween icons for myself (fall is my ALL time favorite season) since I was finally in the making mood.  I would've used Amber's advice making animated icons with PS but I just didn't have the patience this morning to try something hard (that and I didn't feel like reading or I would've read my friends page or wrote my letter).  But at least I was feeling creative right?

Later on, did the grocery shopping and got everything done before 11am.  WOOOHOO!!  Watched "Eureka" online www.hulu.com if you haven't seen this show,I definately recommend it.  Tony took a nap later on after we had lunch but I wasn't tired (imagine that, the less sleep that I get the less tired that I am….hhmm weird) so I wrote to Voula (which will go out tomorrow, miss the mailman).  Started my period today, it's here but yet not at the same time.  That's probably why I have energy right now, which will only last till about Thursday since it's not totally here yet. 

Tomorrow we're going to the mall so I can finally buy some nice sneaks (since I had major issues with the other ones remember those?) and this time I plan on walking around in them as well as seeing how they fit more this time.  Last time Tony was trying to rush me out of the store, so I told him that I need to make sure they work instead of returning them again after I try them fully.  I'm going to look for either ballerina flats or loafers since they have a sale where you b1g1 and I have a coupon wOOt.  My loafers I had to throw out due to them being old and falling apart badly so I need to replace them.  I've never had ballerina flats that I actually like how they feel, or look on me (very picky about my clothes/shoes) so I haven't bought any.  I have HK skimmers but that's not the same. 

Well that's it, off to snuggle before our show at 8pm.

by: me

*cute isn't it?  I made it earlier*


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