So my mom calls earlier while we are eating (Tony asks if I want to talk to her I of course say no because frankly I don't like talking to my mom PERIOD and secondly hello we are eating so yah I'd like to eat instead of talk to that woman), and I figured that she'd leave a message like always. *rolls eyes* As if we don't have caller id to know that she called.
Saw my gradmother yesterday (more about that another time, this is more important) and we talked about how my sis has always treated me etc plus about what she gave me for christmas etc. So I pretty much knew that this call was coming because my grandmother would be talking to my aunt marie (she had a docs appointment yesterday at 2pm and my grandmother doesn't drive) yesterday.
In which, I'm sure that my aunt marie has talked to my mom either last night or this morning. So yah I knew this call was coming to “lay down the law” so to speak about my sis or how could I say such “horribly wrong and untruthful things about her” (they are NOT untrue nor horribly wrong because my mom is a bitch. Plain and simple, she's a horrible horrible woman–anyone who's hear the stories about my childhood will know what I'm talking about) to my grandmother.
My mom even tried to sound soo upset and sore *rolls eyes* The thing that you must know about my mom is this, she ALWAYS has something wrong and sounds like an elderly woman (she's not even 60 yet) whenever you talk to her. What do I mean? She tells you how she's doing by what her health is. Not what NORMAL people say when you ask “how's it going” When you say this, you don't care to know that you had bladder issues or whatever. It's I'm doing ok, I could be better. Not “well, yesterday I had bathroom issues where I had to go a lot. Then I fell and hit my head so I was bleeding.” Ok, not exactly what my mom says but you get the gist right?
You must think that this some joke or something funny about my mom (not ha ha but odd funny) but it's not. The reason why my mom has no friends and none of my family want to deal with her is because she's always got an excuse, she's always got a reason why she can't do something for you but yet if she calls you HAVE to do something for her! Wtf? Seriously how fuckin' rude is that?!
For once, I'm not calling her back right away. I asked my mom to have my dad call me this weekend to see how he's doing. Sure he's busy but if it was my sis he'd JUMP to the phone and find out what's up with her and how she's doing but because it's the “bad daughter” he'd rather do what he's doing instead of call his “other” daughter. You guess it, my dad never called this weekend.
This really hurts and pisses me off because I feel if I had a kid and they had another grandchild, they would be ALL over trying to do shit for me. Talking to etc. What makes me sick is that my grandmother told me the other day that my dad is not only paying for his expenses but he is also paying for my SIS' that's right people. My dad works THREE fuckin' job to support him & my mom as well as my sis' family. Isn't that fuckin' sick!? If my sis needs fuckin' money, let her get off her fuckin' ass for once in god damn life and get a fuckin' job (ok there ARE jobs out there for what she does, how do I know? I get the paper in my email EVERY day and I see job listing for receptionist jobs/administrative assistant so I KNOW there are jobs out there for that)!
That makes me sick to my stomach that my parents care MORE for my sis than me. I mean sure that really shouldn't bother me from day to day where I think about it but it's times when my mom calls sounding upset or depressed (ok not that she's ever called sounding happy either but you get the point) where I just want to go please like that'll work with me. They are still under the impression that I'm going to magically make up with my sis. That ship has sailed because I'm not the one saying she's sorry because I did nothing wrong. Besides, she won't even admit that she's wrong.
Oh another thing that my grandmother brought up is that my sis treated me like shit at the bridal shower. She did?! God, I am so not the same person that I used to be back then (which was over 10 years ago I might add) that I must have blocked out those memories or just forgot about them (I do that, I forget things on purpose that aren't so pleasant because I don't want to think about them anymore) because I didn't care to remember such a horrible experience. I know that I did call my dad because I didn't want to be there anymore and I cried on the phone to him but he wouldn't pick me up (this was when I didn't have my license so I couldn't just drive home). He told me that I had to stay there because I'm the maid of honor and I had to do this for my sis *rolls eyes* My grandmother said if it was her, she would've just left. Called a taxi or told my dad that you can NOT be there anymore because you are sick of being treated like that.
My grandmother noticed how horrible my sis has ALWAYS treated me. She made a point that things were ALL me when I was born and my sis was jealous (excuse me but last time I checked I didn't ask to be fuckin' born what a fuckin' excuse that is) because I got all the attention and she didn't get any. Hello? She had FIVE years without me there so really she has no fuckin' excuse at all. Besides, what were they going to do? IGNORE me because I was born and I was a baby? Yeah ok, ignore the thing that needs to be taken care of *rolls eyes* wtf? It sounded more like excuses that my parents came up with why they don't talk to my sis about the earrings, why they think that I should talk to my sis.
My grandmother did make a good point when she said this, she goes “well why do you want to be around them if they are going to treat you like that?” I'm like exactly why do I? Plus she goes “you're not missing out on something that you don't want to do or even go or be around since you get treated like garbage, you're better than that.” Thank you grammy, yes I am!! I'm much better off not dealing with such negativity and bullshit from her. She said that if my parents don't understand that's their fault not yours. Big deal I'm not invited to parties, or events where my sis is there no loss there because I don't want to go there.
Put it this way, whenever I used to see my sis and Jason I used to freak out because I KNEW that they would do or say something to hurt me or piss me off since they are only about bullying people around to make themselves better. Yes great example and perfect reason for them to have kids *rolls eyes* they are totally model parents, they should be commended.
But what is awesome about my grandmother is this, she goes “jason yelled at me for telling Elizabeth not to touch this or that when they came over (she was also happy that they don't show up much *laughs* god she's so great). He said that it's MY daughter and I'll raise her how I want to raise her.” WOW talking to your elders that way, his parents so didn't bring him up right (of course they didn't, he was at the wedding and they swear in front of everyone plus Jason's dad is a preacher guy for the church nice huh? SO they should know better. But they have the “image” of a nice person when you talk with them, it's all fake I might add.
When I said to my grammy that I told them that they should be doing this or that with Elizabeth and they came back as this (even my parents said this to me which REALLY pissed me off) “you are not a parent, you do NOT know how it is to raise a child. You do not even have a right to save what I should or should not do about my child.” My grammy being the awesome woman (and the ONLY brains in the family I might add other than me) that she is goes “yes because you don't have a brain to know what's right or wrong? You were brought up, you know what's right or wrong when kids do things. That's just bunk when people say that, you should know more than they do what's wrong and right since you don't have kids.” Exactly!! That's my point too!!!
Oh and my parents say this about my grandmother, they're like “well your grandmother's losing it. She gets confuses about things and what not.” BS! Yes she is confused about certain things but trust me out of all the people that I've talked to being in their 80s (or even people that are younger than that) she is more with it then they are. She may forget certain details in a story because of her brain not working as fast but still she remembers A LOT of things that even my parents don't remember or just chose to forget.
Anyways, back to my mom….
My BIGGEST pet peeve in the whole world is when someone calls (we have caller id so we know who calls) and they leave a message NOT telling me why they called. Why bother leaving me a message if you are just going to say “hey jennifer, when you get a chance can you give me a call. I'll be home all night.” Wtf? That's the message that my mom left. Sorry but I'm not going to call her tonight. I'm too angry over her being stupid and whenever she calls like that I feel like I'm being yelled at my the principal or something. I do NOT live at home any more which my parents tend to act just because I'm a town over that I am (yes weird I know, but it's still true ask Tony/) still at home.
I can live my life the way that I WANT to, I do NOT have to listen to what they want me to do and they no longer control me like some robot of theirs. If I chose not to call them back, then so be it. Yeah and when was the last time that they called me back THE day that I called them and left a message? Hhhmm never!!
They never call me back, either “something comes up” or that they just forget. My parents want to get together this weekend but I'll be sure to not pick up the phone because I'm sick of their “last minute change in plans” or whatever. Every time that we go over there, they're either not there or they don't pick up the house and it's a complete mess. I'm sorry but I don't like going over there either because they tend to fight and scream at each other whenever we go over to visit. That's not something that I like dealing with. I can take it at times over times it makes me want to cry and scream. Besides, my dad already told me that the reason that they fight is all because of ME. That's right, it all has to do with the fact that my mom had me (yet he doesn't mention that my sis was ever born like she was immaculate conception bs or something) is why they fight. Great, do you know how horrible that is to hear from your dad? That's one of THE worst things that a parent can tell you. Other than what my mom told me “wish you were never born.” That's another one that I could've lived without hearing! SO yah I don't want to see my parents much at all, and MY choice because seeing them just reminds me how much “unworthy” or disappointed they are in me because I'm not some “perfect daughter” that had a child and lives the “perfect life.”
What's funny is that growing up, my dad used to make fun of my sis calling her fat and disgusting looking. He wished that she would lose some weight, she looks horrible but now whenever he talks about her he's like “your sis lost some weight” *rolls eyes* where? In her head?! Did she lose some brains? Because that's all I can see her losing! And no, I'm not saying that her having kids has made her stupid. Not my point, my point being is that my sis used to be so smart and I used to look up to her. Now I've lost all respect for her, I even wanted to be just like her growing up but now of course you know the rest. I just wanted my sis to like me, I wanted her to be like all the other sis' that I see on tv or the movies were they go out and have fun, shopping and talking about things. I never had that with my sis unless she wanted a favor or wanted to use me for whatever. She'd butter me up by doing this or that to make it seem nice but later she'd bring me back down again. Last christmas was just the icing on the cake. This whole not seeing her, dealing with her was coming for a LONG time now and I'm upset that my parents haven't seen it yet my grandmother has. Maybe it's because my grandmother's not in the middle of it so it's easier for her to see it rather than my parents who are right in the middle of it.
Ok sorry for the long entry, didn't know where it was going when I started it. I apologize but I really needed to get this out. I've been having nightmares about this stuff and wondering why this or that. Oh and I accidently threw out old journals that I had ones with all the stuff about my sis' wedding so I can't look back but you know what? I'm glad that I can't because it wasn't the best time in my life and I really don't care to remember all the negativity either.
Take care all, have a good night off to watch our WSOP show.