Keep having these strange dreams involving my family and sister. They're not very good at all (another reason why I stopped reading the book because it's bringing back memories or causing these dreams), they're actually rather scary ones that feel like I'm still there when I wake up. I freak out because of how terrible it was living with my parents the first time, I don't need to go back to memories that I had before. They were memories mix in with new stuff, it was very odd indeed. Those have become my “nightmares” and I don't like it. I think it's because I haven't forgiven her. No I won't tell her that I will forgive her to her face, that will never happen but I need to forgive her so I can move on. I bought a book with B&N gift card the other day that might help, it's called “learning to forgive” or “forgiveness” something like that. I hope that the book will help me out with trying to forgive myself as well as her for what happened. Wrote the dream in my journal because I believe it will me to figure out why or what was the reason for the dream. I haven't checked out my dream book but I will to see the symbols and stuff mean.
But it was rather odd and freaky, I just keep having these horrible dreams where part of it is really good and the other part is bad. I remembered how my parents wouldn't let me go out with Tony at times because my parents didn't want me to leave the house or else my mom would have to fend for herself. How I'd hate leaving Tony's place because then I'd have to go back to reality with my terribly horrible mother.
I think it happened because of Tony & I talked about how I've changed since I first met him. How I've gotten smarter and how I've gotten more confident etc. as if I'm this totally different person than I was when I was living with my parents and actually, I really am completely different than I used to be back then. I am not the same person and I hate it when people treat as such. I couldn't have ever read this fast before and yes this is fast for me.
Anyhoo, I stopped reading “candy cane murder” because I was sick of seeing Melinda, spelt different but the name is still the same. It kept causing dreams/nightmares about her. Things that I clearly don't want to see again or deal with. Maybe my dreams are trying to tell me that I need to move on but that's where the book comes in, just in case I do help doing that.
Well thanks for listening ^_^