Project 365: Day 103

Published May 28, 2008 by sadistickitten

Woke up early this morning but I didin't get out of bed for awhile due to having a bad dream about my sister, I really don't want to get into it because it'll only depress me more.  I hate that I have dreams/nightmares about her, that I still wish that this whole thing didn't happen, that I wish that there was something that I could do to fix it.  That I'll never have a normal family again.  Yet at the same time, I don't mind not having a normal family.  I just wish that things could've been different between my sister and I.  

The reason this has been going through my head is that a penpal asked “why does your sister hate you” I wanted to tell her that I have no clue and that I wish that I did.  But I just said that she's jealous of me because I guess that's true.  Even if I said, well I have no clue that's not completely the truth is it?  No, I know why she hates me it's because she wishes her life was different and she's jealous that her husband works a lot of hours and is never home whereas Tony's job is at home so it “seems” like he's got no job.  

That's one thing that pisses me off.  Just because Tony doesn't have a job, others think that he has ALL the time in the fuckin' world.  When that's totally opposite.  It also makes me mad when someone says you “seem” this or that.  I know that's stupid to get poed off someone saying “seems” but it's like saying that they don't believe me and that really pisses me off.  Because I'm an upfront and honest person, I don't say stuff to be safe.  I come right out with it and tell you frankly, this is this or that is this.  That's just how I am.  I used to be fake and be like “yah that's great” when it really wasn't but I won't be that person anymore, I didn't like her.  It wasn't me.

Told Tony about my feelings and how I've just felt so terrible going to bed lately that I haven't been wanting to sleep at all just stay up so I don't have to have these stupid dreams anymore.  I wasn't going to tell him because he's got a lot on his plate right now and with me applying for that job, I thought about my references.  That's how I got on to my sister and the bs.  

Pauline is one of my references (or well WAS before this incident that happened) so I was sort of freaking out whom I could use as a reference for me.  Then I came up with Marne, the guy that gave me a piece of paper for reference later on and Terry (former coworker at the hospital).  Those are good references I think, I've already informed Marne on myspace about it just need to let Terry know.  

I'd ask Sue (another coworker also my former boss at night aka lead) to be a reference but she was the one always telling me that I'd change my mind about kids, which clearly got on my nerves.  So I really don't want to call her up and say anything to her plus I feel closer to Terry C. then I do to Sue.  I haven't been back to the hospital to have supper there in a long time, it's been oh god I don't know years I guess.  I don't ever want to go back there either.  Their food is reasonably priced (even though all my former coworkers were older so they'd say “it's so expensive compared to the old days”) but I can't go back there.  I just can't!!!!!! Plus their food is FILLED with grease and lard so it's not good nor healthy to help me lose weight.

Thanks to

's advice about getting the I have decided to get it.  I was going to pick it up through ebay but they want far too much for it even for bidding.  Then I was going to buy it through but decided against it because it was 30 bucks, yes cheaper than 40 but still higher than I wanted to pay.  Finally, used another amazon gc that I got from surveys as well as my visa gift card that I got from for doing my scanning and I got it for free basically.  Of course now I only have about 4 dollars on my card but I can live with that.  If you go over your card, then you get a penality of 15 dollar charge (stupid isn't it?) so I try to go under it. I got the purple one which is smaller and read reviews, it's much better on your cat instead of the bigger one which is the dog one.

Went to Target earlier today to bring my bra that was clearly labeled wrong and NO problems!!!  That's a first time that they didn't give me crap and just took it off my cc without even needed me to get it out.  Always nice.  We bought a few items that we were running low on instead of going to the S&S to get them.  I was going to get HK stickers that they had but later decided against it because I'd rather keep the money I have till I need something or want to get something REALLY bad!

 my paypal address is so feel free to bill me for the Kuromni earrings that you got me at HT the other day.  If you don't have paypal or can't get your cash out of there I could send a check to you, just let me know either way.  I'll make sure that I write a nice note included.  

Didn't really play my DS today because I just wasn't here that long at all.  Well I'm going to spend some time with the hubby right now, take care all.  I tried to make cool icons like others have made but I can't seem to figure out my PS that well.  Ok I am doing far better than I was but I still can't get icons to look as cool as others do.  Maybe one day….. 

Night all, I've read flist I just need to go back further on my flist because I missed a bunch of entries but we were heading out to the store then.  I'll get them soon.  Oh I got a letter in the mail today from Katie W. I've got an intro letter to write and I'll do that asap.  Katie your letter will go out tomorrow.  I also took all the trashes and added them to the big trash so Tony can just take out the trash tomorrow without waiting around for me.  LOST season finale tomorrow baby YAY!  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  “You know you want to watch it John.  You must watch it with me John” a little humor šŸ˜‰

Take care all.  Hope you all have a good week!

by me


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