This post is about venting. It means nothing but a VENTING post. Which also means, do NOT talk about this post OUTSIDE of this post, don't tell anyone ANYTHING that I write in this post. If I find out that anyone did, you will have me to deal with me and the mood that I'm in right now…trust me you do NOT want to fuck with me right now!
JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!! Ok not only did someone tell me that what I posted (which was from a LEGIT site) was causing their computer to crash (which is NOT my fault but they took it up with me as if it was) but NOW people are saying this to me. Well Jenn, I'm “worried” about you because I think you are taking what someone said too seriously. Excuse me?! The girl that said it crashed had to do with THEIR computer. I don't post sites that can cause problems, I'm not like that. Most people don't take care of their computers but I DO however. I'm always checking on it, defrag, etc. because yes I'm over paraniod. You would be too if it you had problems before. It's not like it's from a fuckin' PORNO site or something, it's from a legit site that others have NO problem viewing but you. So odviously the issue is on your end.
Someone decided to be an ass to me telling me:
1. that I shoudn't be this upset overit
2. that she's “worried” about me because of my anger
3. telling me what I should and shouldn't write in my OWN fuckin' journal
4. that I'm overreacting
I don't go to HER journal saying “write this or don't write that” or even “hey don't get so upset over it” as if MY feelings are valid! Excuse me but I have the right to feel and say WHATEVER it is that I want.
This wasn't from the same person but someone actually told me this and next time this smart ass says something like this I'm going to delete from my life. Here's what the asshole said to me:
When I wrote about not seeing my sister for Easter, (or any other holidays or get together) do you know what someone actually had the balls to say to me?! They went “I don't see why you are still upset over what happened to you on Christmas. I mean that was MONTHS ago, aren't you over it yet?!” The thing is, no I'm NOT over it yet. I'm sorry but I just don't roll over and forgive someone quickly like that after what they did to me (really THEY not just her). I do realize however, that I need to forgive her for MYSELF not because my sister deserves it hell no. But because I need it for myself to move on. But you know what?! I've never said this to anyone but I am NOT ready yet. I'm sorry if that makes you so very upset at me and disappointed. I don't care. I don't even care if she thinks she's won because we don't get together with her or even see her anymore. I couldn't care less what she thinks about me because I have no feelings others then I don't want to deal with her any longer. Call me a baby because I am still hurt or I'm mad about it. Fine, don't care. But this would be just as bad as if she spit on me or even cussed me out in front of my whole family. I'm not just upset about what she gave me, it's about HOW she did it as well. Her look, attitude, and everything. Just how cool she was when she did it, it all adds up to a PLANNED thing. Not like at the last moment she decided “well show up late to my christmas get together, see what you get” this was all planned out MONTHS ago, if not years. She's the most evil person and I can't stand her. No right now, I hate her and I don't hate anyone. I loathe her existence.
I've had too many people in my life use and abuse me before to realize that I will NOT let it happen again. I'm sorry but yes December was a few months ago but a few months really isn't that long when you consider that I've known her A LIFE time. It's not like it's a best friend (which would've been just as bad mind you) that I've known a few years or what not. It's a family member whom we told when we are young are supposed to love you no matter. My sister must've been absent that day.
The thing is, I don't think that I'll ever get over it. And I know, people will be like what?! Well I'm sorry but I will not fully be over it. I will yes move on in life as I am now but whenever I think of that vile woman it all comes back to me as if it just happened. I think the only way that won't happen is when I'm away from her for good, i.e. in NC living worlds apart so to speak. Where I don't have to hear about my mom buying some stupid gift for spoiled little Elizabeth or how my sister said or that (still makes me wonder if my sister IS their favorite and I'm just the one to pick up all the pieces).
I've tried telling my mom over and over again I DO NOT want to hear, talk, see or even imagine anything that my sister or her family is doing. Yet she has to bring up what she bought for the little brat, what she did with my sister, etc. Do you know how emotional exhausting it is dealing with someone whom does NOT listen to you when you speak!? I've tried telling my mom I don't care and leave me out of it. Please don't talk about that woman or her family but nope she can't get it through her thick fuckin' skull.
So yes, I'm mad! I'm fuckin' mad as hell because if I write a venting post (i.e. this one) I should have NO fear of someone being rude, mean or further pissing me off by saying something. I am not saying that you need to kiss my ass. That's not my point but why do people feel the need to add to the drama or make matters worse?! I don't get it at all. It just further frustrates me and makes me want to kick out the people that say such shit to me. Why do people feel the need to shake the bees' nest when it's already under a lot of stress!? It's like coming up to a person who's parents just died saying “heard your grandmother is next.” You don't do that!!
I'm not saying that I don't want your opinion or advice, I'd just appreciate it if you'd at least THINK before you speak next time. Venting post are just that, TO VENT. To get out to the stress or anger that you are feeling at the time. Sure they look stupid later but who cares?! If that's how you cope (and if you know me at ALL) you'll know that I need this. I need to vent to help me de stress and relax. Others have games where they shoot people up or scream, take a walk, etc. I write/type, that's how I do it. Don't like it, fine I'll take you off my filter. That's fine with me but tell me. I don't mind others that know me saying “hey well maybe it's been a few months jenn, have you at least let go of some of your anger towards her” or something like that.
But for 2 people whom are new to my life AND my journal, they've got NO right to say that shit. They're also new penpals by the way but clearly they don't know how to read my letters or they'd understand me or at least seem to know what's going on. Everyone has the right to be angry, everyone has the right to feel hurt, I'm not saying that they don't but to question me to say that I did something MALICIOUSLY and purposively it's just fuckin' rude if you ask me. Especially if you have a piece of shit for a computer and you KNOW it crashes often. Don't go bitching at me that I did it to you. Wtf is that?! Seriously, how am I the ones that only come across these people?! I swear ONE more thing these people say about how I should feel, look, act, or do I'm going to delet them. I should do that now but I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. That and I've got my period so you know how your emotions are high during that time right?!
*takes deep breathe* ahhh ok I feel much better now. Thanks for listening!