Someone emailed to tell me that I “overreacted to the whole situation and that I should see a professional about it” excuse me?! Jesus fuckin' christ again!!!!!!!!! I didn't appreciate it when my sister and Jason said it to me, and I don't appreciate it now. I don't appreciate it when others that JUST started being my penpal decides to tell they're concerned for me because I am “not over it” and that I “overreacted.” They do not know what's going on in my life right now to be able to say this.
Let's put it this way, there is A LOT that I don't write about in my journal. Why you ask?! Because some things are just too personal. Some things that I just can't write about because I don't care to write down or I do write it down but it's personal and it only viewable to me or example you guys. Well I didn't write the stuff about my mom the other day because I just didn't want to think about it. But my mom was going on and on about how my sister did this or that. God, I just wanted to say shut the fuck up mom. I don't care to hear about satan any longer.
But if I dare say something mean about my sister, my mom attacks me. It's like wait, I can't say how I can't stand and hate my sister but she can go around and do what she did to me and that's ok?! I'm sorry but I just don't get that. It's as if my mom is just so blinded by the fact that my sister wasn't a biological failure (i.e. she had a kid) that she can't see past the fact that what my sister was wrong. As if my sis once again has done nothing wrong and I'm the one to blame.
Gesh. I mean when I brought it up again my mom once again defended her. She was like “well you know your sis has been under a lot of stress paying off her hospital bill” huh? She's been out of the hospital for A WHOLE FUCKIN' Year now!!!!!!! The insurance as I was told picked up a SHITLOAD of the payments. Not to mention that but they pay their “checks” for their house to Jason's dad. Do you really think that his dad didn't say “well if you can't afford it this month it's ok” Yes because we decide that we're having problems here we can just say “hey Dennis, we can't pay this month that ok?” And he'll just say “Sure Jenn & Tony that's fine.” Hell fuckin' no.
As if I'm not under a lot of stress right now either. I mean Tony's site isn't doing as well as it had been (not bad off yet but you never know what next month holds, guess that's true for everyone), he's more focused on the business so I now become second of even last on his list. I can't exactly talk to him about what's going on in my life because he's got too much stress already to deal with. So what do I do?! I blog about it, I write my letters to pals about it.
I am sorry if from time to time, it comes to my mind and I just write about it. If you don't care to hear about it then don't have me as a pal. Delete me from your life and be done with it. I'm sorry but I don't appreciate people repetivity telling me what I should do, go see, or talk to. And when I wrote that entry there was UNDERLYING things that I was feeling and that girl's comment was the straw that broke the camels' back.
So no, the comment wasn't as bad it could've been. I get that but when there's UNDERLY stuff that's pissing me off I'm going to vent and get it out of my system. Hell fuckin' yah. Do I want it taking up space in my thoughts or life? Nope, I vent. I'm not the type of person that lets it feed inside me and let it take over. Sometimes I don't want to talk about something for a little while but that doesn't mean that I'm hiding something from anyone.
I just don't appreciate a new penpal making such comments like that. I don't need a therapist because I got upset over a few things. I had an icon that I love, it says “I don't need therapy I have a journal” which is so very true. I don't need a therapist, I have you guys ^_^ *laughs* I was going to go and write some letters or maybe even make some graphics but I'm not sure what I'll do but I'm taking a short break from project 365 because we all need a break from time to time.
EDIT: She's gone. Ok I got a VERY rude as email from her telling me a bunch of shit. How she doesn't like that I delete people for not commenting (I don't delete people from NOT commenting, I delete people because they NEVER comment). I didn't read all of it but I read the gist of it. Telling me how I am a terrible person, because I took her off the filters, because I get upset over little things (the girls comment had NOTHING to do with what I was upset about) I have filters so fuckin' shot me. Gesh.
Some people. I knew that I should've deleted her sooner. And Anette was right, why keep such people in my life. The reason I'm deleting her is because I'm sick of it. Plain sick I tell you. I understand that she's got her own point of view but when someone psycho anaylises me and has it TOTALLY wrong then tell me “well you shouldn't be upset over it.” Great you want to be a psychologist, great for you. But when you are clearlyl wrong don't come to me to expect me to be like wow you really know me. If you think that I get upset so easily you are wrong. I am not even upset now, I'm actually 100% fine.
I wrote her an email saying look, I'm not deleting you because I'm mad at what you said. I'm deleting you because you know nothing about me. She talks a lot about herself, her problems, but she never seems to want to know me. And finally, I realized that. She's very egotistic. I don't like those people. But I told her also that someone that I've only a little while knows me more than she does. I never got the impression that she even wanted to get to know me. You know what I mean? That she's totally into herself and cares nothing about others? I am sick of that.
Take care all & thanks for reading. I feel TWENTY TIMES better now.