509084

Published October 27, 2007 by sadistickitten

 

We discussed this earlier (which I noticed you don't read nor even listen when I talk anymore), that we were going to wait to watch the soup TOGETHER some time tomorrow or whenver else it comes on.  Watched the video blog, it wasn't too bad.  I need to get back to my show, take care & have a safe trip.  I understand that you'll be pretty pissed at me but for once, please see it from my point of view. 
 
I was sick of checking email every 10 seconds or so to wait to see what time to call you, we should've agreed on when you'd be back so I would know.  I am also update because you NEVER once mentioned that you loved me in any videos that you made.  You sure mentioned other people on the forum but you only mentioned me in an annoy way, as if I'm some big bother to you.
 
Lately, and the reason that I wanted to talk to you on the phone tonight is that not only have I not felt sexy to have sex with you previously but I have felt like I'm not good enough for you anymore.  What do I mean?  You've got everything to fall back on, you're so much smarter than me, you're so much better than me that I hate it.  I literally hate myself because I feel like I'm no longer good enough for you as if I don't deserve you because I only disappoint you.  I want you to be proud of me, not so very disgusted with me because I'm a huge cow, bigger than I used to be.  I want to be better for you, I want to be smarter for you, I want you to be proud of me but I feel like I'm more of a charity case for you than anything else.  As if my life is worthless now & I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't even bother being alive anymore.  Hell, my parents won't care I'm not perfect like my sister, and I'm a loser.  I have no job, no life, and NOTHING is going for me but you have the world.  SO that is why I'm poed at you and I don't mean to be but I'm poed at myself for feeling this way.  I hate being this fat, I wish I was skinner and I was actually my old weight because I hate the fat under my chin the way that I look now, I can't even look in the mirror anymore because even that makes me nauseaous and wants to scream.  I hate how horribly fat I am, how you think that I'm fatter than britney…I feel like you'd rather be with someone who's not a fat cow & who's worthy of your love.  I know this probably sounds completely ridiculous but I can't help it.  I just want to scream and cry.  I hadn't told you about this because I didn't want to stress you out and make you further hate me or at the very least break up with me over it.  I know that you're stressed about things & me saying this wouldn't help the matter further and I've been even denying all this to myself but now while I'm sitting here at midnight I realize to myself that I can't hide from it anymore.  I need to face the facts and the facts are that I want to be more for you.  I want you to look at me and say she's hot, not say “she's fat” or that others are skinnier than me.  I want you to think that I'm sexy again, I don't want you to be repulsed by me as I am about myself.  I just want to shrivel up in a tiny ball and die.  I don't deserve you, I truly don't.  I'll never become anything in life because I don't even think massage will happen for me because I dont' think it was meant to be.  I think all those professors were trying to be nice to me when I was already sad, they didn't want to break my heart into 2 further by saying “you truly suck and you'll never amount to anything when it comes to life or massage.”  Face the facts, I went into massage not once but TWICE and still failed.  Who does that?  Maybe I purposely did I don't know but I wish that I did.  Maybe I'm not meant to amount to anything and just be this loser who dies one day and no one cares about me.  I don't know maybe I'm just so lonely right now that I am writing all this stuff to clear my head or i'm just stressed out at having to do everything and take of everything that I haven't been taking care of myself.  And mostly, I've been trying to be brave for you, I didn't want to add more stress to already stressed life.  I don't want to burden you or make you feel worse than you are already feeling.  Do me a favor, just delete this email and never look at it again.  It's the ramblings of a stupid dumb woman.

—– Original Message —-
From: Anthony J Martino <triplethreatpoker@comcast.net>
To: Jennifer Rose <sadistickittens@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 9:38:07 PM
Subject: RE: NEWEST & LASTED ONE

You are certianly ridiculous, but cute video.

Just got back, around 9:30pm.  Planning to watch The Soup (hope they get the
E! channel, haven't checked…..scratch that, just checked,they don't have
that channel)

Anyway, going to do up my last blog of the night.  Gimme a call around
10:30pm, that should be good.

I made a profit in the last session, but you'll have to watch the blog once
it's up to find out how it all went down!  w00t!

Love tony

p.s.  Looking forward to having you use my face as your doormat with those
red socks of yours!  šŸ˜€

—–Original Message—–
From: Jennifer Rose [mailto:sadistickittens@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 9:19 PM
To: Anthony J Martino
Subject: Re: NEWEST & LASTED ONE

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=20862419

Update on what's going on.  This is my last one that I'll be making for
awhile till I get my memory stick back, well take care.

love you,
jenn

—– Original Message —-
From: Anthony J Martino <triplethreatpoker@comcast.net>
To: Jennifer Rose <sadistickittens@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 6:04:03 PM
Subject: RE:

sigh

I removed your most recent comment from my blog.  You really don't consider
how easy you're making it for yourself to be caught.

At 4:49pm in the forums you post that you're going to watch my video now,
which takes about 10 minutes to view.  10 minutes later on youtube there's a
comment from sadistickitten.  I'm pretty sure people will put that together
without much trouble, so I had to take it down.

I appreciate that you want the sexy, but I need to protect your identity on
the forums too!

Love tony

—–Original Message—–
From: Jennifer Rose [mailto:sadistickittens@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 5:14 PM
To: Anthony J Martino
Subject: Re:

hey I saw this clip & thought this was cute:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3J3TAdKAYQ

look at where the kitty's paws are awww.  ^_^ soo adore I friggin' want a
kitty!! šŸ˜¦

well I gotta go my hat's here laters.

love ya
~Jenn

ps: just watched your video, I soo wanna have sex with you now ^_^ hee hee
not that i didn't want to before the clip!

—– Original Message —-
From: Anthony J Martino <triplethreatpoker@comcast.net>
To: Jennifer Rose <sadistickittens@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 1:23:40 PM
Subject: RE:

Hey sweety,

Yeah, I've just been worn down lately, so I hadn't been playing the 12 hour
days I was hoping to play.  I ate a good breakfast today, had the fruit
platter, figured healthy eating would keep me alert @ the tables instead of
all kinds of greasy and fattening junk.

Played for a good 5 hours straight this time and came out ahead $130, so
about $26/hr.  Not great for the limits I was at, but I was down something
silly like $500 again at one point during the session, so making any profit
was better than that.

Anway, back in the room.  Going to try using the “ter-let” and then do up
another video blog and grab some lunch.

Love you and miss you.  Feel free to call right now if you want!

Love tony

—–Original Message—–
From: Jennifer Rose [mailto:sadistickittens@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 12:38 PM
To: Anthony J Martino
Subject: Re:

šŸ˜€ yes but only had it once so I figured maybe you'd like it again & it'll
be welcome back sex ^_^ that sex is always soo great ^_^ YAY!  I'll try to
be but I did try and masterbate but it didn't work too well.

new with me?  hhhmm let's see, there's a new person living at the broken
down home near the laundry mat (he's just as scummy as the one that's now
upstairs), kitty didn't even come into the bedroom to bother me last night
at ALL, my throat still hurts, I'm stressed out doing everything it's a lot
of hard work to do everything and I need a vacation šŸ˜¦ I feel like I am
doing 3 jobs trying to keep up with everything. No wonder that i can't sleep
at night šŸ˜¦ and wake up not refreshed feeling.  I sprayed a shirt with your
drakkar cologne and the other night, I had it in bed with me and kitty was
sleeping on it because it smelt like you ^_^ awww isn't that cute?  But
tonight I had it in my arms, made me feel kind of like you were there.   I
don't miss you that much during the day it's at night when we snuggle that I
miss you most.  *tear* my period is really making soo very horny &
emotional.

well it's almost time to put it in the dryer and I want to get this done or
I'd wait till after I eat something for lunch.  take care & I love you!

Love,
jenn

—– Original Message —-
From: Anthony J Martino <triplethreatpoker@comcast.net>
To: Jennifer Rose <sadistickittens@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 7:35:02 AM
Subject: RE:

You're out of control woman!  šŸ˜›

Well, you'll be seeing me Saturday sometime, so try to be patient.  šŸ˜›

Love you very much too!

Love tony

—–Original Message—–
From: Jennifer Rose [mailto:sadistickittens@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2007 1:36 AM
To: triplethreatpoker@comcast.net
Subject:

Me so horny!!!  No really I am, you look SO fuckin' hot in that video with
your hat and oh man, you look so hot with your hair ^_^ no wonder that she
was alll over you, you hottie you!

*HUGS*
I wanna fuck you SOO very badly, man I am horny…when you coming home
again?

Love you loads,
Jenn

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